Acceptance
by ezpzlemon
Summary: Everyone wants something; Killua just doesn't know the name.


Thirty-one hours in, the room had been quartered off like so: Kurapika took the bottom-right corner next to the bookcase; Leorio took the bottom-left corner and television; Tonpa took the left-middle side with immediate access to the refrigerator; and Gon and Killua took the top-right corner and couch. After a nonstop day of their forced cohabitation, it was only natural they'd start to avoid one another—sticking to their chosen sections and pretending the rest didn't exist—yet the two youngest contestants had yet to grow tired of the other's presence. And despite Killua's attempts to live in the now, he couldn't help but wonder how long this would last.

"So, you're not gonna sleep tonight either, huh?"

It was only due to his impressive impulse-control that he didn't flinch at the voice suddenly cutting through the silence. Killua whipped his head around to find Gon lying on his side, head propped up in his hand, looking up at him expectantly.

"I know you were awake all last night, as well. I heard you talking to Kurapika," Gon continued.

" _Quiet down!"_ Killua hissed. "Are you trying to freak everyone out?"

"Oh, sorry," Gon apologized in a considerably smaller voice. "But you _are_ gonna stay up, aren't you?"

Killua let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah. What if someone sneaks in while we're all conked out? You never know."

"Hm. Alright, then. I'll keep you company!"

"Idiot," Killua scoffed but did not reject him. Gon scooted up the couch and sat beside him, the full force of his grin softened by the darkness.

"This must be what sleepovers are like," Gon speculated fondly. "I've never had one, before."

"Me neither," Killua admitted, and he couldn't explain the strange relief he felt at having this in common. "How late have you ever stayed up?"

"Past sunrise, when I go out camping by myself. One time, I tried to pull it off in the house, but Miss Mito caught me tip-toeing around and made me go to bed. She stood by my door the whole night, I think."

"Your Aunt sounds crazy," Killua remarked. "My own parents were the ones who made me stay up for weeks at a time. They didn't actually watch me, but they hooked me up to a thing that would shock me when I started to nod off."

"And you think _my_ family's crazy?" Gon laughed, more bemused than bewildered at his unconventional childhood, and once again, Killua found himself unable to get a hold on his companion's personality. Is he normal, or isn't he? An abnormal boy who does normal things, or the opposite?

But either way, the end result was… nice.

"Well… it's not like that's how my family usually works; my training is extra hard because I'm the heir. My older brothers had it easier," he clarified, a part of him perturbed at this odd urge to recant; never before had he wanted to mellow his backstory into something more palatable.

"Wait—you've got older siblings? Then why are you the heir?"

"Because I'm the only one whose hair is white," Killua explained, nodding in agreement at Gon's confused expression. "Yeah, I know; I don't get it either. I think it's some dumb family tradition. My grandpa said he'd tell me everything, someday, when I'm 'able to understand what it means.' Total crap, right?"

"Yeah, that's weird. I thought it'd be because you're so talented, or something."

Killua's toes curled in their socks. "C-come on, dude. Don't say stuff like that," he faltered bashfully, inwardly kicking himself for acting like some girl. This acknowledgement is what he wanted, right? It's why he told Gon about his past in the first place. So why was it so hard to take the compliment?

Luckily, the sound of shifting blankets distracted them from their conversation. Across the room, Kurapika's silhouette grew vertically, like a cloud burgeoning into sight from over the horizon—or, specifically to Killua, like a zombie rising from its grave. The two boys froze, simultaneously struck by the questions of _Does he know we're up?_ and _What is he going to do?_ However, Kurapika did not address them, instead staggering into the bathroom, throwing on its blinding light, and closing the door.

For a long moment, they stared at the door in silence. And then:

"Leorio, get out of bathroom."

"But Tonpa keeps fucking following me!"

"I don't care."

"But—"

" _Move._ "

The light behind the door flew into the room once more, Leorio being pushed out along with it. "Sheesh," he grumbled as he laid down in his usual spot, giving Tonpa's motionless form a suspicious glare before closing his eyes. A minute later, Kurapika emerged and settled back into his own book-lined nest. Silence descended once more.

"…What were we talking about?" Gon asked in the quietest voice he could muster.

"No idea," Killua answered in kind. "Doesn't matter."

"…To be honest, I felt a little sad, yesterday."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because you were awake and didn't tell me about it! I would've stayed up with you."

"Yeah, well, then you wouldn't be able to do it again, today. So things ended up the same."

"I could've stayed up two nights!" Gon proclaimed, a little offended.

" _Shhhhhhh!_ Don't wake up the others!" Killua aggressively shushed. There was a certain excitement to being up late by themselves, something special and intimate, and to get the whole group in on it would somehow ruin its authenticity. Suddenly, he wished they could leave the room—not to progress through the exam, but just to explore the tower's nooks and crannies, inside and out. To wander the unseen world, immersed in the secrecy of the night.

"I could've stayed up two nights," Gon whispered.

"Whatever," Killua whispered back. The clock on the wall ticked to **1 7 : 5 9** ; Killua imagined the heavy _thwong_ of the grandfather clock back home, echoing through the mountain corridors.

"…Hey, Gon?"

"What?"

"Do you think Kurapika's gay?"

" _What?"_ he choked out, caught between a gasp and an incredulous laugh. "Um, why would that occur to you?"

"I dunno! He just seems like… _it_ , you know? N-not that there's anything wrong with that."

"But how could you possibly tell just from looking?"

Killua thought of the murderous clown that had carried Leorio through the mist, licking his lips all the while. "Sometimes, you can just tell."

"Really? So, Kurapika…"

"Well, of course I don't know for sure," Killua enunciated, falling into pedantic stride with his usual ease. "But I'm, like, ninety-nine percent sure."

"Wow…!"

"Yup."

"We should ask him!"

" _Wha—!_ Y-you don't just randomly ask stuff like that!"

"Why not?"

"It's rude!" Killua exclaimed. "A no-fly zone! Super uncool."

"So he would get mad?"

"Oh, I don't know; would _you_ get mad at someone you just met questioning your straightness?"

"No, not at all."

That… wasn't the right answer. And the question was there, now, written over every thought that went through his head, gurgling up through his consciousness like bubbles from a hot spring. He tried to hold it down, but he couldn't hold it down, and—

"Are you gay?"

And there it was. Thrown out into the open air.

Gon furrowed his brow in a grand show of concentration. "Well, I've never really thought about it. As far as crushes go—the way Miss Mito describes it, anyways… I've never had a crush, if that makes sense—never had a _romance_ , heheh. So who knows? I'm definitely not against it."

Such a warm feeling in his chest, spreading a pleasant glow all throughout his limbs. Gon was sitting very close, he realized—close enough for their thighs to touch—and his eyes were tempered with a nameless understanding, resolute in its structure, unwavering in its clarity. A deep core of forgiveness that cheerfully invited Killua to fight back or dig in his feet— _Come on; I can take it!_ Like a blind man fumbling through the plain light of day, Killua groped for a word, and Gon handed it to him with open arms: _friendship_ , that taboo both foreign and familiar, a concept understood but oh-so unknown. Could this be it? After all these years?

"What about you, Killua?"

"…Maybe. Who knows."

"Oh, cool. I guess we'll see."

A haze fell over his vision, relaxing his head into the couch cushion; Gon didn't move away, choosing to match his reclined position, instead. Far in the back of his mind, Killua wondered if Gon could feel it, too.

 _Ah. So this is… acceptance._

"Huh," Gon yawned. "I'm actually kind of tired."

"Yeah, me too."

They fell asleep side by side, nothing in the world to fear.


End file.
